I need to start this post with an apology. An apology to Angie Fox and an apology to all those that read and entered to win the contest I had up. I screwed the pooch and don’t I know it! I'll explain that in a minute, but to try and make amends, let me offer two readers a $10 e-gift card to the book seller of your choice. Just leave a comment here and I'll draw the winners on Sunday, January 3.
Now, for a short explanation: About the time the posts for the Angie Fox contest went live, my life fell apart. It was a long time coming — don't get me wrong — and it was entirely a mess of my own doing, but believe me when I tell you— that made it all the more worse. Only a handful of people know what we went through (my family and my old blogging partner dee to be exact), mainly because I was ashamed. I did everything I could to disguise the pain I was in and I think I did a fairly good job of it. Unfortunately, I could not blog anymore. I barely did any reading and I certainly ceased all writing. I had lost the desire to do much of anything. It took just about everything I had just to get up and get dressed in the morning and continue to be a good mom and wife to the wonderful family I was so (undeservingly) blessed with. It also took a lot of energy to hide it all from everyone else.
I ended up back at work, and that helped. We got a huge break in the fact that I have awesome parents that love me no matter how badly I fuck up, and we’ve slowly but surely gotten back on solid ground. It hasn’t been easy, but my husband is a muffin dressed up as a doughnut, and we made it through.
Fast forward to the present and I’m not working anymore. I will however, start school on the 5th. I’m terrified by this, as I graduated high school in 1994 and haven’t sat at a desk since. I’m also extremely excited and optimistic. I’m reading again, I’m smiling more, and life, well, it may be bumpy at times, but I see nothing but good times ahead.
I do hope to start blogging again. One of the things that has held me back from blogging has been my deep (and by deep, I mean you could throw a boulder off the edge of it and listen for a century and still not hear it hit bottom) shame at the way I just up and quit. I wish that I hadn’t done that. But it’s done and I can only hope you can forgive me. I need this blog. I need to write again, read again, and find my way back to what I love.
I lost myself. Plain and simple. I let the dark times and depression take me away from who I was at a base level. I am a decent wife. I am a decent mother. I am a reader. I am a writer. And I had forgotten that.
There may be a few changes though. I’m reading more YA and Paranormal/Urban Fantasy. I still love a good Romance, but I’m finding it harder and harder to find one of those. I’m also finding myself more and more in love with the Cozy Mystery genre. I’ve always enjoyed it, how could I not with authors like Kate Collins out there?! But the author that shall not be named took a huge chunk of love for it away (and, I’ll admit played a huge part in my depression).
So basically, there will be more Cozy reviews. Less Romance reviews (though please, if you find a good one, let me know! I’m re-reading all my Crusie’s just so I don’t lose the love). About the same (maybe more) YA and Para/UF. It’s a tough market for book bloggers. There are so many good ones out there. I’m not sure there is a place for me in reader’s hearts but I think I’ll blog anyway.